I was scrolling through an “ASK DM” forum to find some topics about RPGs that I could talk about here to sort of fill the empty space between game announcements and updates.
What I had found unfortunately, was that the most common question is “What do I do with a problem player?” This is disheartening because it means that, among all the other difficulties that come with starting or running your own tabletop game, a lot of people are faced with this totally unrelated obstacle. They may have the perfect ideal of worldbuilding or encounter balancing or how much loot to give out at various points, but what they need help with is a “that guy.” Then again, they may not have any idea about how to do those other things either, but instead of being able to ask about them, there’s “that guy” still posing the bigger problem. It is a little bit heartbreaking.
What makes this worse is that my very simple solution is to just kick them. Literally just remove them from the game. I know that for some folks posing the question this is not an option. You play at “that guys” house or “that guy” is the one who gives a ride to two of the players you actually like, and losing all three of them means losing the game. For these situations, I fear I must remind you, “No game is better than a bad game.”
When it comes time to prep for the game, or when you’re fast approaching the time to gather and set up your space, and you start dreading it because you can’t handle another encounter with “that guy” the game has stopped being fun for you. There is no reason to play a game that isn’t enjoyable, full stop. Forcing yourself to try, especially for the sake of others enjoyment over your own, is something that nobody in their right headspace would ever recommend to anyone.
If you have a “that guy” who you can’t handle playing with, and can’t remove from your game, then end the game. Find something else to fill your time. Host a game online for the players you did like if you can’t have a meeting space. But the absolute worst thing you can do is just try to endure it.
I know someone is reading this and thinking “You’re not even recommending that I talk to them first? Get a feel for the group?” And no, honestly I’m not. You should go with your instincts of course, if this isn’t a case of “that guy” and it’s just one misstep or a clashing of playstyles, then yes. Be an adult and go speak to them about it and ask them to tone it down. Alternatively, you can speak to the whole group and make sure everyone is on the same page about whatever subject or phrase made you feel uncomfortable. That is a totally fine and respectable way to handle it.
However, I also feel that this is totally optional, especially if their behavior has crossed some lines for you. You are not obligated to give “that guy” notice before you kick them or quit when they make you uncomfortable. “That guy” has no obligation to your time, or your olive branches. You don’t have to explain yourself, you don’t owe them anything. And if you’re the GM and “that guy” demands you explain your decision, remember that you only signed up to play a game and tell a story collaboratively, not play Grand Arbiter to their bullshit.
These games are games, that’s it. It’s for fun. The moment it isn’t fun anymore, or the dread of playing outweighs any good times that may come after, is the moment you can go look for another use of your valuable and limited time guilt-free. “That guy” doesn’t deserve you or your commitment if they don’t respect your boundaries. Nobody does.
If you’re looking for a community free from “that guys” come hang out in the Archfossil Discord! We’re a small community looking for new members and people to run / play in games and playtests of new stuff all the time.
Archfossil 